Sep

Other accounts have called Grobbulus a loot piñata. That confuses me. A piñata is a bright container generally suspended on a rope from a tree branch or ceiling that is filled with candy and toys and is used during celebrations. A succession of blindfolded, stick-wielding children and some-fun loving adults will then try to break the piñata in order to collect the candy inside of it. I am sorry, but Grobbulus certainly does NOT fit that definition; Grobbulus is more like a pirate, with a face-patch in lieu of the traditional eye-patch.

Now we shall continue the tale of Danny and Miss Danna. This time, we shall explore the darker underside of love, namely the ex. It turns out that Grobbulus and Miss Danna had some history! In fact, Grobbulus (real name: Gary) was Miss Danna’s first boyfriend. After he broke up with her over what he called irreconcilable differences, she hired some Zul’Gurub panthers to maul his face over and over again. Disfigured, Gary fled to Eastern Plaguelands, where Kel’Thuzad earned his trust by promising to make him whole again. Too bad Gary was too trusting and didn’t get the details. Soon, Gary would become Grobbulus the face-patch pirate of Naxxramas. Morale of the story? Danny, you better not break her heart, buddy.

When Danny told Miss Danna of Renaissance’s successes in Naxxramas in downing Patchwerk, he also mentioned seeing Grobbulus. At first mention of Grobbulus, Miss Danna became silent and put her face in her hands. Fully expecting Miss Danna to be in tears soon, Danny switched out of Beserker stance and went to Defensive stance and tried to comfort her. However, after she removed her hands from her face, all Danny could see was rage and anger in those beautiful gentle eyes. Miss Danna begged Danny to kill Grobbulus and went back to her room and slammed the door. Danny and his Renaissance buddies obliged.

The fight was quite intense and emotional, since it was obvious to Grobbulus that our MT was now Miss Danna’s love. (Danny had written “Miss Danna <3s me” on his guild tabard with a magic marker.) It soon became evident what those irreconcilable differences might have been: Gary had a gas problem. And knowing that no woman wants that sort of a sight and smell problem all over the place all the time, he broke things off with Miss Danna. He was just being considerate in his own little way, and Miss Danna had to go hire some face-mauling panthers. That’s just not cool imo. In the end, all the emotions and gas that Gary had couldn’t help him; and he quickly began a permanent rest on the ground. Miss Danna 2, Naxxramas 0.

Hmm wait. Renaisance includes both stick-wielders and fun-lovers. Grobbulus broke and dropped loot which is very much like candy. Okay, okay, Grobbulus is a piñata, but let’s be clear about this: Grobbulus is a pirate (with a face-patch) piñata.

In other news: Renaissance Doggy Day II in the works.