Yes, Patchwerk is dead and Danny is sporting new shoulders. But who are Patchwerk and Danny and what is their motivation? For those questions, there is no short answer, and we must dwelve into their past.
Once up a time, there was an abomination born in Duskwood, just outside of Darkshire. The name on his crib said Patchwerk (he could read it cuz he was a child prodigy), but his guardian liked to call him Patches. He had a happy childhood really, even though growing up there were no others that looked like him or had similar interests. He spent his days wandering around the roads asking if any humans, gnomes, night-elves, or dwarves wanted to play. Occasionally, he would find groups of adults who called themselves the Night Watch Men, who always seems quite anxious to see him, which he never really understood because they always had an epic battle or “play session” whenever they met. But, he never seemed to feel comfortable or at-ease in Duskwood, as if he had a metaphorical Wirt’s Third Leg embedded in his side.
When Patchwerk grew older, he got a job at Stratholme. It was a nice place really, filled with friendly banshees, skeletons, ghouls, necrofiends (he liked to call them necrofriends cuz they were just that friendly!), and lots of other abominations that looked like him! They hung out with the benevolent Baron Rivendare who encouraged them to study hard and grow strong. It was certainly great to be with other abomination. Soon, however, all the other abominations started to discover and develop special talents — such as poison spitting or bile creature creation. Meanwhile, Patchwerk seemed only able to melee, but he was quite good at it and soon named his attacks Hateful Strikes (cuz he just got so mad sometimes!). Patchwerk’s best friend Ramstein the Gorger suggested that he go visit Kel’Thuzad, who was some god or demi-god or some lieutenant of some god or demi-god or demon or something.
When Patchwerk got to Naxxramas, Kel’Thuzad was very nice from the start, and Patchwerk took to him right away. Patchwerk trained with Grobbulus (Grobby!) each day to get stronger and better at fighting off intruders. Grobby was very gracious in congratulations when Kel’Thuzad made Patchwerk the “Avatar of War” even though Patchwerk suspected that Grobby really really wanted the position. Grobby was quite happy when Patchwerk told him that he could be “Best Buddy of Avatar of War.”
Once upon a time, there was a human born in Goldshire, just outside of Stormwind. His parents called him Danny, and he took their word for it cuz he couldn’t read his crib and he had no reason to distrust his parents really. He had a happy childhood really, running around Stormwind and playing with other children. Danny really liked his teacher Miss Danna; she was very pretty and always nice and always smelled like fresh flowers. Danny planned to marry Miss Danna when he got older. Growing up he also heard stories from the city guards of terrible creatures in far away lands, and he vowed to one day rid the land of them to show Miss Danna his love.
(TIMEOUT: ohhh I see what you are doing there. You’re telling the stories of both of them in very similar format and structure. Yeah, good job, Sherlock Holmes.)
When he grew older, Danny joined a group of adventurers called Renaissance. It was a nice guild really, filled with mages, warlocks, hunters, rogues, priests, paladins, druids, and other warriors. Danny had a good time adventuring in Molten Core, Blackwing Lair, and Ahn’Qiraj, but really disliked the smaller places like Zul’Gurub or Ruins of Ahn’Qiraj. Danny became a very reliable protection warrior and soon came to wield the legendary Thunderfury. As much fun as he had adventuring though, he still always pined for Miss Danna back in Stormwind — to settle down with her and to stroll around the Park and the Stockades.
Soon, Renaissance started venturing into Naxxramas, which was quite a dreadful place. Upon starting the abominations wing, Danny spotted Patchwerk, a horrible looking yet strangely friendly creature and remembered that Miss Danna really didn’t like abominations. It soon became his life mission to take down this dreadful creature, much like when he took down Ramstein the Gorger in Stratholme and earned a kiss on the cheek from Miss Danna. Renaissance planned out and executed a rock solid strategy of tanking, healing, and attacking. Soon after, Patchwerk lay slain, Renaissance posed for a screenshot, and Danny hearthed to Stormwind to be in the arms of his beloved Miss Danna.
Two characters, each with much to his own, converged in Naxxramas. To sum up: Patchwerk born in Duskwood. Danny born in Goldshire. Patchwerk motivation is to play. Danny motivation is Miss Danna. Love conquers all. Thank you for reading.
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