May

Congrats everyone on server first kill of the Lurker Below! With a boss kill comes troubling questions and mystifying answers. A thoroughly profound and profoundly thorough discussion follows the pretty picture.

Who was this Lurker and why was he below? Where is this “below”? Now that he is dead, we can and will attempt to answer these questions.

We ought to first investigate this land of “below,” as one’s environment often determines one’s traits. (Don’t worry; for all you scientists and DNA buffs, we’ll investigate the Lurker’s genetics later.) Was this pond of “below” the famed Blue Lagoon? Surely not, as the famed Blue Lagoon would’ve had a pre-pubescent or later a post-pubescent Brooke Shields swimming around. Was this “below” the infamous Black Lagoon? Perhaps, as it surely had a mysterious and dangerous creature swimming around — this Lurker. At closer examination, however, the Lurker albeit similar was somewhat mismatched from the resident denizen creature of the Black Lagoon. And most importantly at closest examination, our lagoon just wasn’t of a black hue. So, we must surmise that this lagoon is an altogether new lagoon, previously undescribed in movies and films. At the closest of close examinations, we hypothesize the “below” of a color Prussian Ultramarine Sapphire, and we propose naming this “below” the Prussian Ultramarine Sapphire Lagoon, or the P.U.S. Lag. for short, or PUSL for shortest.

But who is this Lurker who resides in the PUSL? This question is perhaps of utmoster importance than the one of what is the “below.” Some might even argue that an environment only serves to interact with creatures living in it; an environment devoid of living creatures is meaningless and unworthy of investigation. Although I disagree with this theory (and also hold steadfast to the fact that a tree falling in a forest with no one around does still make a sound), I must still examine who this Lurker is, as he surely does or did live in this environment, making the previous noninhabited environment argument moot. This paragraph will end now, garnering it the label of useless babble, and an examination of who the Lurker really is will begin in the next paragraph.

An important clue as to the identity of the Lurker came about when he first appeared while we were fishing (mainly for fish to feed Ogplaya’s pets FuzzyMittens, FuzzyMoose, and FuzzyOgplaya or something.) The Lurker exclaimed, “I AM NOT A FISH!” and proceeded to attack us. That is our first clue — the Lurker is not a fish but he attacks. Thus, he is a belligerent and bellicose non-fish entity. Yes, we will refer to him as an entity presently before we pinpoint just what type of creature he is.

Our second important clue came while battling him. The conscientious observer would have observed (that’s what conscientious observers do, no?) that he likes to spin around, spit water, and summon friends. These are surely important traits as we were certainly posing a threat to him at the time, and what one does in his most threatened or broken down state is what really defines someone. At this point, we have further described this entity — the belligerent, bellicose, spinning, spitting, popular with friends non-fish.

Our third and last and perhaps troubling clue came at the point of his defeat. Before dying, he whispered softly (as softly as a massive powerful entity could), “I just might be a fish but I’m not sure…” Often at one’s death bed or point of poignant fragility as I like to call it, one reveals his most closest guarded secrets. This Lurker was unsure of himself to the end; perhaps his life mission had been to discover whether he was really a fish or not. Although the poor guy will never know, all others will know just who this Lurker was (thanks to our present official and professional scientific inquiry). Incorporating our last clue, we propose that the Lurker now be known as the Belligerent, Bellicose, Spinning, Spitting, Popular with friends, Fish/Non-fish of the Prussian Ultramarine Sapphire Lagoon, or B.B.S.S.Puf.F/NF of the P.U.S.Lag. for short, and the Lurker for shortest and for endearment.

Oops, I didn’t really delve into the issue of the Lurker’s DNA at all as promised. Too bad. I didn’t feel like it. The genetics of Hydross and Morogrim are more interesting anyway, and we will save our (powerful and official and scientific) tools of genetic inquiry for those subjects. Grats again everyone!

Story by: Kharmander
Art by: Analla