The Perfect Stormrage
today we examine the perfect storm (in the context of WoW). according to wikipedia, the phrase “perfect storm” refers to the simultaneous occurrence of events which, taken individually, would be far less powerful than the result of their chance combination. such occurrences are rare by their very nature, so that even a slight change in any one event contributing to the perfect storm would lessen its overall impact. at first quick glance, in such a man-made designed world (of warcraft) filled with multitudes of non-sequiturs, one might not expect to see such a thing as a perfect storm; but, of course (as in the case of many renaissance website updates), the term applies quite extensively upon closer examination.
“but wait just a minute kharmander,” you say — “since there’s a plethora of events, characters, and everything else in WoW, one can just randomly pick coincidences and clump them together and present them as a perfect storm.” yes, yes, much like a room of monkeys on typewriters hammering randomly on keys will produce the bible given an eternity of time. “a valid point taken,” replies kharmander. in an action response which i hope assuages your worries and in which i hope you can take solace, i will only examine the facts surrounding renaissance’s kill of illidan stormrage in presenting evidence that such a perfect storm exists in WoW.
my hypothesis and conclusion is and shall be that renaissance guild’s defeat of illidan stormrage on sunday is a perfect storm. don’t worry — this won’t be a scientific experiment filled with the scientific method and controls and experimental variables and stuff; this will just be a kharmander ramble. yes, it has already been three paragraphs and little has been said. everything i write is based on what i’ve read about illidan and what little i’ve heard and my own (possibly inaccurate but i don’t care) assumptions and guesses.
the perfect enemy - illidan stormrage
illidan stormrage is the perfectly worthy raid boss. he’s insanely difficult, very very hard, and very very annoying with all his verbal taunts during the fight. he conjures thousands of adds, does some shooting eye beam thing that’s really hard to avoid a million times, has a billion abilities, and has a trillion (minus 999 billion 999 million 999 thousand 995) phases. even after reading descriptions and strategies, i have no idea what the encounter is like or should be defeated. plus on top of it all, you have to clear the rest of black temple first to even attempt him.
the perfect party - raid composition
well, 25 warriors wouldn’t have killed him (i assume). 25 priests wouldn’t have killed him (unless they’re all spriests, i guess). 25 of any one class wouldn’t have dented him much. it takes a perfect mixture of tanks, dps, and healers to have even a chance. ok this section was a massive stretch and massively stupid, i’ll admit.
the perfect plan - execution of strategy
this section i write completely on faith. i wasn’t there, and i know little about past raid attempts. renaissance defeated illidan, so we’ll give credit for perfect strategy execution by default.
the perfect taunt - oh so close
on thursday’s raid attempts, renaissance came oh so close to downing illidan in getting to phase 3/4 with zero deaths. then came the honor points update and subsequent 8 people disconnects. but of course, previous failures and disappointments only make those successes that much better, right? i hope you believe that, cuz if you don’t you shouldn’t play WoW.
the perfect prize - loot drop
a legendary drop on the first kill? awesome! grats to pika pumpkin-head pan on the warglaive offhand.
the perfect sweetness - server first kill
being the first on the server to defeat this boss, the current end boss in the game, is the sweetest thing. diabetics can enjoyed the alternative server first kill flavored with splenda. CONGRATS REN!!!
the perfect storm
the combination of the perfect enemy, the perfect party, the perfect plan, the perfect taunt, the perfect prize, and the perfect sweetness combine to form “the perfect stormrage” (the kharmander-coined phrase that inspired this entire update) and thus this discussion is concluded.
the perfect website update entry
you’ve just finished reading it. just kidding.